Rinse
by fearless-phoenix
Summary: songfic to "Rinse" by Vanessa Carlton. My missing seen during "Comrades in Arms" where Margaret goes over what has happened.


Okay this is set in the time between where Margaret smacks Hawkeye in the mess and when they have their little talk in "Comrades in Arms" There are just two things I'm kinda stretching. One, that that amount of time was really like an hour and that it rained. If Margaret seems a little bit out of character, I wanted her to be this way. I wanted to show the more soft vulnerable side of the Major. Anyway on with the disclaimers.

Disclamer: I don't own MASH, nor "Rinse". I'm not making any money off of this. MASH belongs to Fox or whatever and "Rinse" belongs to Vanessa Carlton. I'm not smart enough to come up with either.__

_She'd do anything to sparkle in his eye._

_ She would suffer she would fight and compromise. _

_ She's been wishing on the stars that shine so bright._

_ For answers to questions that will haunt her tonight_

Margaret sat in her tent, fingering the rough embroidery on her quilt, thoughts racing through her confused head.

ÔWhat was last night? Why do we fight and wind up in each other's arms? Was Hawkeye showing his true feelings for me? Or were the only feelings involved, ones of this is my last night on this planet, better have sex? I have always felt something was there. But something isn't enough to have a relationship on. Why am I even having this conversation with my self? I'm married for Pete's sake! Oh great a Major's having a conversation with her self.

Her mind battled it out. Thoughts racing back and forth like a ping-pong game.

"I gotta get rid of him," she muttered to her bloodstained army boots.

_She must rinse this all away._

_ She can't hold him this way._

_ She must rinse this all away._

_ She can't love him this way._

_ How she'd be soothed how she'd be saved if he could see, _

_ She needs to be held in his arms to be free._

_ But everything happens for reasons that she will never understand. _

_ 'Til she knows that the heart of a woman can never be found in the arms of a man._

ÔI'm married,' she reflected Ôbut that cheating scum, thought of me as sturdy!

"I gave him my deepest vow's. I thought I could see the love reflecting back to me in his eyes. Turns out those eyes wander!!" She screamed as she pounded her fists into her pillow, hard and fast. Not feeling like that was making enough noise to squelch her anger she leapt up and tried to kick the heater. But in her blind rage (and tear fogged eyes) she missed by a wide margin and landed on the floor, still sobbing.

"Why me? Huh. An officer is not supposed to have such a tangled life. Why isn't Hawkeye here? More than once he's untangled people's life.

At the thought of wanted Hawkeye, she felt disloyal to Donald. Then a wave of anger swept over her as she thought of just what her marriage had amounted to. Then she thought about how quickly Hawkeye had retracted his feelings this morning and she was in the same spot she stated in.

ÔWhy can't some one come and rinse away my problem's?

_She must rinse this all away._

_ She can't hold anybody this way._

_ She must rinse this all away._

_ She can't love him _

_ And as she runs away she fears she won't be followed. _

_ What could be worse than leaving something behind? _

_ And as the depth of ocean slowly becomes shallow,_

_ It's loneliness she finds._

_ If only he was mine. _

Margaret slammed open her hollow wooden door, and started to march straight towards the jeep compound.

"Halt! What's today's password?" Klinger was on guard duty, wearing a purple knee length dress with sequins and a poncho over it.

"Shove it in your ear Klinger!" Margaret noticed that it had started to rain.

"Lucky guess," said Kilinger and kept on his duties. He had learned early on to stay out of the Major's way when she was in a mood.

The rain came down harder, and Margaret's attempts to lift the roof up where futile, only adding to the immense ball of anger and frustration. A drunken moan came from below a jeep near by. Rizzo was moaning about unauthorized use of a vee-hic-ale.

"How nice it must be to be in a drunken stupor, where everything becomes numb and forgotten," she fingered for the ignition. "How funny, Major Hoolihan going A.W.O.L. I wouldn't believe it if I weren't here. No one would miss me anyway." But there was only one she could think of. And she hoped that he would miss her.

Not paying any attention to the noise she made she wove her way out of the compound and onto the road. The rain ran in droves down her face, fresh rainwater mixing in with salty tears. She glanced over her shoulders, lighting breaking off in braches illuminating the starless sky. The road was empty.

ÔWho in their right mind would want' to follow sturdy old me?' she muttered to the empty road and quickly turned around and headed back to camp. Sad and angry that he hadn't followed her.

_She'd do anything to sparkle in his eye._

_ She would suffer she would fight and compromise. _

_ She's been wishing on the stars that shine so bright._

_ For answers to questions that will haunt her tonight. _

_ She must rinse him._

_ She must rinse him._

_ She can't rinse him._

_ She can't rinse him._

_ She can't, she won't, she must rinse him._

_ She can't, she won't, she must rinse him._

As quiet as a mouse she headed back to her tent and toweled off her hair. Her stomach felt like it had been kicked and carsick. A horrible bottomless pit in her bowls; and if she didn't plug it up, there was a good chance that it would suck her up all together, consuming her.

A soft knock rang at the door. It was him. Gradually she looked up into the mirror at her face. What her lust for Hawkeye had done to her. Hawkeye had made her eyes bloodshot and puffy. Hawkeye made her wet. Hawkeye made her go out into the lonely Korean night. He was too dangerous. A venomous love that would break her, and that's when she knew what she had to do. She had to rinse him away.

She let him in and quickly spun a tale of lies and a good explain whilst praying the he couldn't hear he heart breaking. They left on good terms, but not quite the same as before he had came into her tent.

_She must rinse this all away._

_ She can't hold anybody him this way._

_ She must rinse this all away._

_ She can't love him this way. _


End file.
